Learning to Say No

One of the areas in my life in which I have self-identified as needing help is the art of saying no. I find that one of the reasons I don’t get ample sleep, is because I stay up late trying to complete a task that I committed myself to. This task could be very simple but due to the fact that my day is overloaded with other commitments in which I volunteered or agreed to, some things get re-prioritized. People often state that they want your honesty and can handle rejection, but this is hardly ever the case.

This realization was put into practice last night. I was having a casual conversation with a friend when she invited me to dinner with one of our Sorors. I politely declined the offer and was given the third degree about my decision. “Why don’t you want to have dinner? You are so social.” I stated that I didn’t have anything against the Soror in question but I just didn’t want to give up any of my personal time just for the sake of appearing “social”. This friend was really having a hard time hearing me say no. And I assume this is because no one is used to hearing me say NO. This becomes a problem because I feel this is how many people are taken advantage of. When you NEVER say no, you start getting a reputation as being “nice, friendly, and social” and to me this translates as a push-over.

My friend made my point in her rebuttal. She even stated that she thought I liked entertaining and being social. Please don’t get me wrong; I do love people. But there are so many of my close friends that I need to keep in touch with and reach out to that I don’t want to make time for those that don’t deserve it. Did that come out wrong?

The art of saying no has been a process. For instance, I am now trying to follow this without feeling the need to give a reason. Sometimes, I say no because I don’t feel like it. Sometimes, I say no, and don’t wish to follow it with a reason because I haven’t mastered how to let my comment come out without sounding like I am criticizing, complaining, or gossiping. Other times, I just don’t feel like a reason is necessary. However, it never fails; Someone gets offended by my response and demands a why statement.

I do consider this to be a 12-step process. In which I would like to claim that I have progressed to step 3.

Do you find yourself committing to things all because you haven’t learned how to say no?

How was YOUR weekend?

I must say, 2008 has been the worst year I have had, yet. I have been through so much life-altering events that I am beginning to wear out. I am usually very open about my problems and concerns, but I have been faced with things that only God and I know about.

I am very discouraged. I must admit. These are the times when we as Christians are put through obstacles to test our faith. And yes, I know, that God doesn’t give us more than we can handle, but all I am asking…can I please get a breather somewhere in between?

It’s always something. Lately, I found a lump in my genitals. I went to my ever faithful, WebMD to take the symptom checker test and I was informed that I might have cancer. Now, I know that everything these days gives you cancer, but I didn’t have other options. On Friday, I called my OB-GYN and requested an emergency appointment. When I told her what I found in the shower, the receptionist didn’t even give me the spiel about the next available appointment being in two weeks (ladies, I know you can relate). Instead, she instructed me to come in first thing Monday morning to get it looked at.

Great!! Now, I have my entire weekend to freak out about if I have cancer, going through a biopsy, and/or having to get this grape-sized cyst removed. SIGH

What do I do? I already feel like I am juggling so much on my plate. And it is so hard for me to tell anyone but God. I bet this was his plan, eh?

As an icing (cream cheese, please), I take my dog, Rommie to the vet for his scheduled vaccinations and they inform me that he has lyme disease. Are you serious? Now, I feel like I should be tested for lyme disease, as well. But I won’t…I am certain that I haven’t been bit by tick, but I do remember going through a phase where I was pulling ticks off Rommie after every walk. Now I feel like I have to punish him, by not taking him for a walk. Luckily, he hasn’t displayed any symptoms of a lyme disease carrier and for that matter, neither have I.

So I am prepared to answer the every faithful Monday morning question, “How was your weekend?” But if someone asks, they better be prepared for an earful. Because I am sure I will be updating this blog soon, as my weekend is not over and neither is this year.

I am so ready to end this year. Hopefully, 2009 has a great beginning ….