Just As I Am-The Life of Heather G

Hair Salon--Take Two

2011-10-09T07:04:00.001-04:00

I vowed that I would not go back to the same Salon where I initially got my hair braided because I was embarrassed about how it ended. But locals, who kept promising me to take me to another salon, never came through on their word. I put my pride aside and walked into the hair salon to request they take my braids out, wash my hair, and give me twists. The total price was $8,000 DJF ($48 USD). I was excited!!

The hair dresser clearly remembered me and instead of scalding at me, she greeting me with a hug and a kiss on each cheek. I wanted to inquire about the check I wrote her, because I don’t think it was ever cashed. Which means my last hair style was free if they don’t hurry up and cash it. But I kept my mouth shut. Was that wrong?

It took her two hours to take out the thousands of micro braids in my hair. Again, I was excited!!

However, in the end, I hated my twists. I might pull a “Amber” and let this hairstyle last for one or two weeks. Stay tuned…

Camping at Lac Abbe

2011-09-24T07:06:00.014-04:00

Lac Abbe is a salt lake that borders Ethiopia and Djibouti. As a morale booster, the team took an overnight camping trip to Lac Abbe. It was only 60 miles away, but it took us almost 4 hours to get there with all the unnecessary stops and rough roads. Along the way, we stopped and took pictures with Camels and of other animals that I don’t know how to spell.

When we finally arrived, we went hiking about 3 miles to view chimneys and watch the sun set.

For dinner, we dined on MREs. That alone was enough of an experience for me to know that I would have never lasted in the military. While we ate, a few of the staff entertained us with authentic Djiboutian chants and songs. As the only American female, I was singled out to dance with the natives.

After all the excitement, we prepared for bed and slept in huts/tents. My hut did not have a covering over it so I could see the stars as I lay on my back. Each hut included a cot and mosquito net, but mosquitoes are very clever insects. Even with long pants, long sleeves, and deet spray, I still wound up with bites on my butt. How is this even possible???

I hope this didn’t sound negative, but clearly I am not the outdoorsy type of girl. Getting bit my mosquitoes was not my type of party. I am now reminded why I never took my girl scout’s camping.

In the morning, we hiked towards the lake to watch the pink flamingos. Lac Abbe is full of sulfur so we weren't able to swim in it. Because of this,I am told there is no living matter in the water. The flamingos eat bacteria from the bottom of the lake. (Hey, don't quote me on this, It was 6am in the morning when he was trying to tell me this information.) Even more interesing is this is where the movie, Planet of the Apes, was filmed.

Well, I guess that would have been interesting to me if I had seen the movie. Nonetheless, it was a cool fact to throw in. Hopefully, it was enough to make you want to come to Djibouti to visit me.

Mayhem in Djibouti

2011-09-20T07:01:00.009-04:00

I return from my brief visit from the States to find that everyone lost their mind in the one week that I was gone. For starters, they fired our property manager for the Villas that we live in. I am still unsure of the reason, but with that decision, my house lock was changed and my maid, Kadra was gone!

I have already expressed how I love Kadra! I was livid to find that they let her go and hired a whole new set of maids.

The following Saturday, Kadra calls me from the outside gate and ask if she can come visit me. I go to pick her up and she is crying uncontrollably. All I could get from her was that she needed a job because she is the bread winner of her family and her father is terminally ill. I immediately made phone calls and asked the new property management if they could hire Kadra back. The manager, Leila, agreed since I made a compelling argument on why Kadra must stay with me. All Leila needed was a copy of Kadra’s Djiboutian ID as proof of her citizenship. A day and time was set and Kadra was on her way to being employed…again.

Well, Kadra decides to meet with Leila and invites along 3-4 other previously-fired maids from the Villas. The other girls took over the meeting and demanded more money. Reason being; they felt our houses were too big and too dirty. Leila would not budge on the $200 USD/month that she pays her maids. In the end, Kadra did not end up showing her ID and hence was out of a job.

To date, I have only spoke to Kadra via text messages but I was told that she found a new gig that didn’t pay as much, but offered free medical insurance for her and her family. Sounds like a win-win to me.

Grand"Mother" Lillie

2011-09-14T06:52:00.002-04:00

Last week, my Sister called and told me that our maternal grandmother was not doing well and she felt I needed to come home. Apparently, she was officially dead for 30 minutes but she was resuscitated. My heart immediately sank because when I left home in July my grandmother was doing well. There was nothing wrong with her that made feel that I needed to worry while I was overseas. However, I listened to my sister and started preparing for a trip back to the States. I called my mom and she stated that she didn’t think I needed to come home just yet. “Just wait” she said. At this point, I am unsure what I am waiting on, but I tried to remain calm and focus my energies on other things. After all, God is in control. Right?

I waited. And waited. And waited. Finally, I received the official phone call to come home.

I jumped on the plane on Monday morning and arrived in Charleston, SC at 10:00 PM on Tuesday night. I immediately went to the hospital to sit with Mother. Her eyes were closed but I could tell that she was up and listening. I read 93 Psalms, her favorite scripture, and then just sat with her expressing my love through touches and kisses. It was very difficult for me to see my grandmother like this, but I tried to remain strong. We (my mother, Auntie Ann, and Amber) played inspirational music for her while we sat around her. The last song we played before we left was “It’s your Time” by Luther Barnes. It was getting late and I could tell she was staying up just for me. So I kissed her good-bye and left the hospital with the intentions of returning at 6 AM.

On our way home, we received the phone call that my grandmother had passed away shortly after we all left the hospital. That was one of the hardest phone calls I have ever received. Yet, I was immediately at peace because I felt as if she waited on ME. I can’t imagine how I would have dealt with all this if I hadn’t had the opportunity to see her alive and touch, hug and kiss her one last time.

As she wished, we planned her funeral within 3 days and it was one of the best home going celebrations that I have ever attended. I think everything went flawlessly and it was a refreshing to be around family and friends, unexpectedly.

A special thank you to all my friends who drove to SC to see me, sent cards, flowers or edible arrangements: SRA family, Nicole Scott, Tricy Liferidge, Naidra Hemingway, Nneka Wells, Lennox Browne, Crystal Dickerson, LJ Raines, Lisa Ernest. Your support was greatly appreciated by my family and me.

To Mother: I love you and miss you. I will always reflect on the life lessons that you have instilled in me. My affection towards others is what I know I have learned most from. Being appreciative of all things given to me and expressing my love to those around me are what I value most from you. Until we meet again…

Homesick Blues

2011-09-05T08:16:00.002-04:00

Yes, I am still alive; I just have been in a funky mood lately. I guess the “vacation” is slowing down; I have become homesick! I have dealt with Djibouti because I looked at this opportunity as short term. And even though a year isn’t a long time, it’s the longest I have been away from my family and friends. It doesn’t help that my internet connection and satellite television at home is non-existent. And while I am at work, everyone back on the East coast is sleeping. Therefore, I rely on the internet to give me the gleams of hope to skype or facetime my close connections.

Issues have arrived back in the States that I wish I could just fix. That is what I do. I fix things. And even if I can’t fix it, I usually feel better knowing that I attempted or tried my best. Or better yet, that I was there. Being overseas has made me question whether I have control issues. (No worries, I squashed that ridiculous thought)

Yes, this is my sad song. I have tried to guilt everyone into coming to visit me, but it doesn’t seem to work. Or did it? Will you come visit me??

Moucha Island

2011-08-21T06:49:00.002-04:00

Moucha Island Pics

Today, I went with one of my local friends, Gassira, to visit Moucha Island. Moucha Island is built of corals and located off the coast of Djibouti in the center of the Gulf of Tadjoura.

Gassira’s family currently manages the various activities and hotel at Moucha Island. As the manger, she went to verify that all maintenance was completed before the seasonal opening.

When she asked me if I wanted to join her at the Island, I had my swimsuit packed before she could even finish her sentence. From land, it was a 30 minute boat ride to Moucha. The trip was very peaceful and serene.
While Gassira was working, I enjoyed having the entire Island to myself. I picked seashells and swam in the water. The water wasn’t as salty as French Beach, so I was able to enjoy my swim without worrying about others urinating in the water.

After Gassira was finished working, she joined me in the Island. She was upset because none of the repairs were finished on the Island and they were planning to open in less than two weeks. She stated that she was going to have to stay on the Island for the next two weeks to ensure the work was complete. Poor thing. She must live a horrible life!

Presenting: Delta Force

2011-08-12T02:07:00.000-04:00

One of the main rappers in this video is my co-worker, Mike. A couple months ago, he flew in a professional production team from the States just so he could showcase some Djiboutian talent.

This video is the final result of months of hard work. The group's name is Delta Force. I have been trying to convince Mike to let me be a part of this group. I just know that I can take us to the next level in entertainment with all my many musical talents.

Back to reality--I just saw the video for the first time today, and as a testament to how small Djibouti is, I think I know over half of the people in this video.

Next month this time, I will have met everyone in this city. Hold me to that.

My 12 Hour Days

2011-08-11T06:56:00.000-04:00

Oh my goodness! I figured it out.
If I spend an hour for each meal = 3 hours
Djibouti shuts down completely from 12-4pm = 4 hours.
I take bathroom breaks from all the water I drink = 1 hour
Internet time to try to skype family and friends = 1 hour

After all this, I really only work 3 hours a day!!

French Beach

2011-08-06T03:41:00.003-04:00

*Names have been modified to protect the Guilty

Today, I went to French Beach with J— and his Djiboutian girlfriend, Sago. The ride to French Beach is rocky, at best, and winds uphill a treacherous cliff. J- had to prove his manhood in front of his woman and sped the entire time. His driving was so wreckless; I got closer to God with the many prayers that I had to send up.

When we safely arrived, the atmosphere was perfect. There was no sun and just the right amount of breeze. We were the only ones at the beach, so I was able to enjoy being in the water without kids splashing me. The water is the saltiest ocean I have ever been in! No, I did not swallow any of it, but just wiping my face and near my eyes, you couldn’t help but notice how dense the water was. After about 10 minutes swimming, I had the natural instinct to use the restroom. I got out the water and tried to ask the restaurant workers were the restroom was, but they only spoke French. Yet, they have mastered the term “I don’t speak English.” I didn’t have to go that bad, so I waited for J- and Sago to get out the water and join me on the shore.

They both got out after a few minutes and inquired why I was sitting alone. I stated my “issue” to which Sago replied, “Just use the bathroom in the ocean.” Excuse me?? I am a 31-year old woman. Under no circumstance am I going to willingly urinate in open water. Especially when there is a restroom near!! She explained that I would not like the bathroom and would prefer the ocean. I was appalled and insulted. What type of lady did she take me for? Ladies do not urinate in open water. After we went through this disagreement, I won and J- walked me to the back of the restaurant where the bathroom was built.

It was an eastern-style outhouse. The “toilet” was in the floor. No lever to flush, No lid to lift. Just a hole for me to squat over and do my business. I must admit I was taken aback, but I think it was more the smell then the sight. Since I am borderline claustrophobic, I made J— hold the bathroom door ajar. In addition, it helped the bathroom air out the smell. He thought it was funny so he attempted to take a picture of me while I was in there. No picture was taken so I don’t have any porn to show you…Sorry.

Afterwards, I refused to get back in the ocean water. The thought of people using the restroom in the ocean almost ruined my trip. I began to think this was why the water was soooo salty.

In the end, a valuable lesson was learned. Use the bathroom before you go to French Beach and do not drink any water while you are out there.

(I know I keep saying this, but I have good pictures of the beach, the rocky roads, and the toilet. Stay tuned)

Ethiopia Earthquakes

2011-08-03T09:27:00.000-04:00

This morning I awoke to my bed rattling. I immediately thought I was having a bad dream or someone was trying to enter my house by banging on the door. Afterwards, I was so shook that I was unable to fall back to sleep.

During our weekly meeting, my Technical Lead asked everyone if they felt the earthquake. I couldn’t believe my ears!! I actually experienced an earthquake!!! Instead of it being slightly exciting, as I imagined, it was quite scary.

Apparently, the earthquake was in Ethiopia which is approx 120 miles away. I haven’t been able to verify the details, but if I felt the Earth move from that distance, then the residents of Ethiopia are now in my prayers.

The Melting Pot

2011-07-30T03:15:00.003-04:00

Today, my co-worker, Mo took me the Melting Pot for dinner. I was excited because I have never been to the Melting Pot in the States. This is the second restaurant I have visited in Djibouti. The first restaurant, I went immediately after work, so I didn’t have to fret over what to wear. But this was my first real tour of the city, somewhat.

I decided to fit in by dressing like the Djiboutians and my new friend, Kadra. I put on the longest dress that I own and wrapped my head with a matching scarf. Most Djiboutians just seem to throw on anything and not worry about color schemes. When my coworker came to pick me up, all he could do was take a picture. (Picture is coming soon). He shook his head and tried to refrain from laughing. I ignored him because he is a male and they don’t have to cover up, so clearly he doesn’t know what he is talking about. After all my prior research on Djibouti, I was confident in my attire and we left for the Melting Pot.

While walking to the gate, we ran into other coworkers. Since I was covered up, they initially ignored me because they didn’t know who I was. (See, told you I fit in!!) When my coworker told them it was me, they all just had a ball laughing. One stated, “Ramadan doesn’t start until Monday. You don’t have to dress like that.” Whatever. As if I would take fashion advice from them.

Once we arrived at the Melting Pot, I was slightly upset. The entire menu was in French. Just a little background on me, I took Spanish in high school and college. So reading a French menu is a challenge for me. Mo stated that he would order for me, but I guess he was so hungry that he temporarily forgot about the promise he made. When the waitress came, I was forced to order by pointing at pictures. In the end, I received spicy tuna sushi.

Really?!? I finally get a chance to eat at a Melting Pot restaurant and I order sushi.

Moral of the story: I have to learn French!!

Camp Lemmonier

2011-07-29T09:44:00.001-04:00

I am currently working at Camp Lemmonier. There are approximately 4,000 people that work on base and 3,500 of them currently live on base. In total, there are 200 females that are estimated to be in this number. In other words, I will be a total loser if I don't return to the States with Mr. Gibbs. I spend 12 hours a day here (Monday-Friday and some Saturdays).
Working on base has a few rules that I find interesting as a contractor. For instance:

1. There are 3 dining facilities were I eat all my meals. You must wash your hands before you can enter and you have to wear socks. No excuses. You will be turned around if you don't follow these rules. Please remember it averages 113 degrees here. Socks are the last thing on my mind. I am still trying to figure out why covered toes are a big deal.

2. No bags are allowed in the dining facility. I assume they are worried someone might steal the food. (I doubt it)

3. Those that live on base are not able to leave base unless they have a battle-buddy that will sign them off. So once these people find out you are a contractor that live off-base you are a true hot commodity. No worries, I won't be signing anyone off base.

4. Everything is dirty! This is actually what I needed in order to stop biting my finger nails. There is no way, I will bite my nails with all this dirt around me. On average, I spend 3 hours out of my day, cleaning something (Me, nails, hair, computer, etc). During the day, there is an occassional wind that blows the dirt all around camp. This place is a contact lens wearer's worst nightmare. I wear sunshades all day and the dirt still bothers me. By 8AM, my clothes are so dirty I just feel as if I need to go home and start my day over.

5. There is a full service post office here, but I am not allowed to retrieve my mail. It must be delivered to me. Not sure if that is a good or bad thing.

6. Water bottles are everywhere! So much free water there is no excuse for anyone to be dehydrated.

7. Cell phones must be turned off when entering Camp. I have heard a couple of rumors about bombs that will detonate if the phone rings at the entry point. I have also been told they inject us with radiation at the vehicle check point. For now, all this is speculation, but I am sure one of these things is somewhat true considering we get hazard pay for working here.

8. Last and most imporant, we are not allowed to drink alcohol off-base. Not even in our own house!!! And if you drink on-base, you can't have more than 3 beers withing a 24 hour period. Seriously?!?

To me these are the most peculiar rules, so overall, working on base is interesting.

Day 2: The adventure begins

2011-07-23T01:32:00.000-04:00

Today, Kadra, our maid recommended a place where I could get my hair braided. Wait. Did I forget to mention I have a maid?? She is so sweet and has agreed to help me learn French; one of the many languages she knows. Kadra stated that it would cost me no more than $50 USD since I was providing my own hair. She also insisted that I exchange the money beforehand so they wouldn't rip me off. As if that mattered!! They charged me $70 USD(12000 Djiboutian Francs) for microbraids. No doubt, I love my hair and I know it would have been 3x more in DC for what took two people 8 hours (Yes, they are that small and my head is THAT big), but I was hoping to pay $15 USD like Tricy told me she paid when she went to Tanzania. *sigh*

Needless to say, even after we exchanged my money, I still didn't have the money to pay the braider. They didn't accept credit cards and wouldn't accept anything less for all the time they spent. I can't say I blame them, but Kadra was belligerent. I am not sure what she was saying to the braider, but the body language told me that she wasn't using any words that could be found in the King James Version of the Holy Bible.

All I kept thinking was, I am about to be in Djibouti jail for not having money for services and then I would have to stay there because I couldn't speak their language so they wouldn't be able to understand me when I requested my one phone call. Then who was I going to call, because my parents don't pick up their phone... The bright side was my mug shot would be cute since my hair was freshly done. Yes, ALL this ran through my mind in this one moment.

Finally, the braider agreed to let me write them a check. Even still, Kadra and the hair braider continued arguing. Not sure why, but I guess Kadra was slightly embarassed because she was my translator/guide and recommended this lady. After all, everything I did at this point was with 100% trust in her since I haven't mastered the translation of money nor the language. I felt helpless, but as long as the end resulted in my hair being fixed, I didn't care much.

When I got home at 3 am, I found a lizard in my shoes! I was so proud of myself for not yelling and instead I just jumped on the bed until I gained my composure. I chuckled as I thought of all that I went through today. I didn't even tell you about me tripping down the stairs in my villa. But it never fails, if there are stairs, I will fall down or UP them.

And I failed to mention that I had a taste of Djibouti water. Kadra made me take a sip while I was getting my hair braided and I was so hungry and thirsty that I briefly lost my mind. But that one sip brought me back to my senses. The water was so heavy and salty and plain ol' disgusting! It even smelt bad! It took me forever to swallow the sip and everyone in the shop kept staring at me as if I was the one with a problem. Please...

I was originally supposed to get a cell phone today, but once Kadra promised me a hair appointment everything else went out the window, including unpacking. Let's see what tomorrow brings.

I have arrived!

2011-07-22T01:03:00.001-04:00

OMG! I am now in Djibouti. Getting here felt like a two day journey. On the flight here I watched Big Momma: Like Father Like Son, Bride Wars, Limitless, and an episode of Two and a Half Men. Towards the end of the flight, the child behind me started whining and crying that she wanted to land and get off the plane. She started every sentence with "Mama, Mama" and starting kicking the chair behind me. What did I do to deserve this? As I felt my headache forming, I was trying to figure out if I was more upset with the child or the mother who kept ignoring her cries. Nonetheless, I was able to shake it (My headache, not the child).

In between all that action and movies, I slept and ate. I had a window seat and the mother and son that I was sitting near were very nice. Considering that I don't talk to anyone on the airplane because I fall asleep, one achieves tha label of nice by waking me up when it's meal time. The food was full of carbs/starch but it helped me keep my malaria medicine down. Those pills are really getting the best of me!

When I arrived to Djibouti, I had a sign that greeted me. The airport is so small that I didn't have to travel far with all my luggage to the door. I really appreciated that!

Afterwards, Steve, my site lead, took me to drop off my bags and then I went to work! After all, it was noon here and I slept for at least 13 hours on the airplane. I was energized! In addition, I needed to inform everyone back home that I arrived safely. My coworkers seem very nice and they already have work for me to do. I even had my first piece of mail waiting on me!! (Thanks, LJ!!)

The weather is hot but every building at work is freezing cold so the outside weather becomes bearable.

Currently, I live alone as my housemate is on travel. I reside in a 4 bdrm, 3.5 bath luxury villa. I am a block away from the President of Djibouti and the US Embassy. In addition, the community we live in is guarded and gated, so I would say I live in the best, part of the city.

So far, everything is better than I imagined. I still have my moments where I miss my family and friends and shed a tear, but overall I am excited about this new adventure in my life.

So...who's coming to visit me??

FAQ: Djibouti

2011-07-14T05:19:00.001-04:00

Through this transition, everyone appears to have the same questions. As any legit service would provide, I have complied all the questions and answers in one section so that I won’t have to repeat myself...anymore.

Djibouti? Where is that located?
Djibouti is located on the Horn of Africa. It is northeast near Ethiopia and Somalia.

How long will you be in Djibouti?
My tour in Djibouti is for one year.

What will you be doing there?
I will be a project manager there helping on the Communications and IT project.

Will you be traveling with anyone else you know?
I will not be traveling with anyone else I know, but my company currently has over 40 employees already there.

Where will you live?
The government has provided 4 bedroom, 3 bath villas for the contractors. While it is not on base, it is located between the Navy/Army base and the US Embassy. The location is safely guarded, gated and comes with daily maid service.

Who will fix your hair?
I am sure that traveling to the Motherland will provide me with ample women who know how to handle the course, tightly-curled texture that I have dealt with over the years.

What language do they speak?
On base, English is spoken by nearly everyone. Out in the city, Arabic and French are mostly spoken.

Can I have [insert everything from car to house]?
Ummm. No. I am not dying, I am just relocating temporarily. In other words, I am not giving away my possessions because I plan to return.

When will you come back home?
After one year, I plan to return to the US unless a better opportunity overseas arises.

What will you do with your house? car? Rommie?
My house is currently on the market to be rented. My car and dog, Rommie, will be in South Carolina with my family.

How can I contact you?
Depending on internet connectivity, I can be reached on Skype (hedegi). Care Packages can be sent to: CIV GIBBS HEATHER | PSC 831 BOX 0059 | FPO, AE 09363-0059. I can always be reached via email, as well.

Where will you attend church?
The base provides weekly church services. I am so thankful Jesus will be with me in Djibouti.

What do you parent’s have to say about this?
My mother is very excited about this opportunity. My father wasn’t originally sold on this, but after he received more information about my safety and wearabouts, he is now onboard.

Couldn’t you find a job in the US?
No. Can you find me a job in the US? Nonetheless, this is a great career move for me and it will provide me with challenges that I would have never encountered in the US.

Final statement: Don’t come back here with a Djibouti man and Djibouti babies!!
My Response: Why not??

Djibouti Dreams

2011-07-07T23:38:00.004-04:00

In one week, I had three close friends contact me to inform me each had a dream of me with a baby. Of course this frightened me because children are nowhere on my radar in the near future...if even ever. However, I took to faithful Google and realized that dreams are not literal and usually indicative of one’s own thoughts. Dreams of a baby signifies a new beginning. And this happens to be what I am going through.

Last night, I dream that I died in a fire. I often times think about how I will prefer to die and by fire is always LAST on my list. The very moment that I was dying,instead of crying out in fear, I took a deep breath and mumbled “I love you”. Amazingly, this dream didn’t shake me as much as I would think but I still had to look up its meaning. The very first website I read stated "to dream of your own death indicates a transitional phase in your life". My mother added that fire is a sign of confusion.

If that's the case, dreams never lie. I have been given an opportunity to work in Djibouti, Africa for the next year of my life. While this project is both challenging and exciting, I must admit that my nerves have been very unsettled. The thought of leaving family and friends behind along with everything else that I know and love is kind of scary. I have lost ample sleep thinking about what I am going to do with my house, what I will do career-wise when I return to the states, wondering about the health and well-being of my family, etc. For the most part, I have had a supportive network of family and friends (but there are a few naysayers).

In addition, I have trouble packing for an overnight trip, so imagine the anxiety attacks I have trying to decide what I will need for the next year in my life. My job provided me with a basic checklist, but I am not a basic chick so there are other items I needed to add to this list.

Nonetheless, I wanted to share with you that the next year of my blog will be based in Djibouti, Africa. I still refuse to join Facebook so I will try to update this blog with as many lively tales and vivid photos as possible. Can you imagine the tales I will have to share with you?

Parasailing in Cabo San Lucas

2011-01-18T21:17:00.003-05:00

This weekend, I started off 2011 by going on vacation. My friend, Siobhan, wanted to celebrate her 30th Birthday in the warm, tropical Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. I have never vacationed in “off months”, but I think it is a trend that I will continue. The weather was high 70‘s during the day. While on vacation, I decided to check off another item from my Bucket List; parasailing.

The experience was so awesome that words do it no justice. I think I was a bird in my former life. I don’t consider myself adventurous, in the least, but being in the air gives me a natural high. I parasailed across the beaches in Cabo and even though the moment was 10-12 minutes in the air, it was one that I will forever cherish and remember for a lifetime.

Hopefully, I can encourage you to try parasailing. I promise you won’t regret it.

Learning to Say No

2010-11-15T13:27:00.001-05:00

One of the areas in my life in which I have self-identified as needing help is the art of saying no. I find that one of the reasons I don’t get ample sleep, is because I stay up late trying to complete a task that I committed myself to. This task could be very simple but due to the fact that my day is overloaded with other commitments in which I volunteered or agreed to, some things get re-prioritized. People often state that they want your honesty and can handle rejection, but this is hardly ever the case.

This realization was put into practice last night. I was having a casual conversation with a friend when she invited me to dinner with one of our Sorors. I politely declined the offer and was given the third degree about my decision. “Why don’t you want to have dinner? You are so social.” I stated that I didn’t have anything against the Soror in question but I just didn’t want to give up any of my personal time just for the sake of appearing “social”. This friend was really having a hard time hearing me say no. And I assume this is because no one is used to hearing me say NO. This becomes a problem because I feel this is how many people are taken advantage of. When you NEVER say no, you start getting a reputation as being “nice, friendly, and social” and to me this translates as a push-over.

My friend made my point in her rebuttal. She even stated that she thought I liked entertaining and being social. Please don’t get me wrong; I do love people. But there are so many of my close friends that I need to keep in touch with and reach out to that I don’t want to make time for those that don’t deserve it. Did that come out wrong?

The art of saying no has been a process. For instance, I am now trying to follow this without feeling the need to give a reason. Sometimes, I say no because I don’t feel like it. Sometimes, I say no, and don’t wish to follow it with a reason because I haven’t mastered how to let my comment come out without sounding like I am criticizing, complaining, or gossiping. Other times, I just don’t feel like a reason is necessary. However, it never fails; Someone gets offended by my response and demands a why statement.

I do consider this to be a 12-step process. In which I would like to claim that I have progressed to step 3.

Do you find yourself committing to things all because you haven’t learned how to say no?

The Financial FOUR

2010-11-05T20:05:00.000-04:00

Is this the week of a full moon? I am not sure that the last week has really been weird. I think that is the only word that is appropriate. In the last seven days, I have had four requests asking for financial assistance.

The first text message was for help with a down payment for a car. She stated that she would pay me back next week when she got paid. Later, I found out that she was purchased an Acura TSX.
I have been burned by this statement before so I hold no truth to this. I responded with a very polite no.

The next day, the second request came as a text message and this friend asked to borrow (an undisclosed amount) money since she just moved back to the area from North Carolina and funds were night. As before, I didn’t respond because I have a hard core rule about asking for money via text. See Texting Etiquette. However, this situation disturbed me slightly because I offered HER a FREE place to reside while she got on her feet and she denied me because she said I lived too far. I get it..ok. But I offered you what I could AFFORD at the time--stability (a roof over your head, running water, and electricity) not financial assistance.

Two days later, I receive a text message from a family relative in South Carolina asking to borrow $50 until next week (See a pattern?). Staying true to my rule I didn’t respond, but I wondered 1) Was I supposed to wire her this money? 2) When she paid me back, was she going to include the wire charge? I am confident that I know the answer to these questions.

Immediately, I began to pray. I wondered what type of test/challenge was God preparing me for. If you read my blog regularly, you understand that I am a cheap skate and very frugal with my money. I am thankful for what I have but I strive to be wise in my financial decisions. Apparently, those on the outside take this as a front and do not believe that I am financially strapped when I say that I am.

In the past, I often commented that no one ever asked me for money. I assumed that meant that everyone understood I was in this struggle with them and did not have much disposable income. Sheesh! That theory went right out the door with spandex jeans.

So if you are keeping up, you realize that I only mentioned three so far. My fourth, and I pray my last, encounter came from an old colleague of mine. She actually CALLED! I don’t speak to her often so when she called my house phone, cell phone, house phone, and cell phone (in that order) , I knew that she wanted SOMETHING. A woman’s intuition is seldom wrong. She proceeded to give me a sob story about her cable and then closed with “So can I borrow $178 until...(you fill in the blank)?”. Yep, that’s right, NEXT WEEK!!!

All I could do at this point was chuckle. I explained to her that I wasn’t laughing at her struggle but I was really beginning to believe that this was my test. God, why me? Seriously, why?

I don’t wish to turn my friends down when they are in need, but money for a cable bill is just taking our friendship for granted. Do you know how long I went without cable in my life?? Cable is NOT a necessity. EVER!

You must agree, last week I entered the Twilight Zone...

7 Days 'til "Flirty Dirty Thirty"

2010-06-29T11:43:00.000-04:00

Yep! I know you can’t contain yourself either, but in seven whole days, I will be 30 years old! I am celebrating the entire year with the theme of “Flirty Dirty Thirty”. This implies a fun, free, and fulfilled life...by any means necessary!

I am actually excited about this milestone. I remember the days when I felt like 30 was OLD and that was the set age that I needed to have my life “together”. However, I am actually at a good place in my life. While I do have complaints, my faith gives me comfort in dealing with this transition.

My bucket list has not been completed but I will celebrate my 30th birthday by knocking off three tasks: vacationing solo, parasailing, and visiting a nude beach. YIKES!!

In the meantime, I wanted to leave you with my birthday list. Even though money is a factor for me, I know it is no object for my loyal and faithful friends and followers.

In addition to cash, I would like:

1. Ipad
2. Mac desktop computer
3. Kindle
4. Bodybugg
5. Bike
6. my car detailed

My Movie Theater Boycott

2010-05-15T11:14:00.000-04:00

On Friday night, I met my friend Nicole at the Fairfax Corner movie theater. She wanted to see “Backup Plan”. While I wasn’t too thrilled to see this movie, I decided to oblige.

Since this wasn’t planned out, we didn’t have any idea of the showtimes. When we walked in, I noticed that no one was in line, but instead people were standing outside of the line looking at the dashboard of titles and times.

It didn’t take long before I realized what everyone was looking at; the adult movie tickets were $15.25 and a child ticket was $12.75. My mouth dropped. I was appalled that this theater had the gall and audacity to charge astronomical prices for the entertainment of watching a movie!!

Without speaking a word, I did an about-face and headed out the theater. There was no way, I was going to pay $15 for a movie ticket. Nicole really wanted to see the movie and even offered to pay for my ticket. We stood there for a moment bringing attention to ourselves because I had to drag (almost literally) her out the door while I explained to her that at the price of $15 we could have PURCHASED the movie. I think that was the driving point in which she realized that I was right.

From this instance, it was decided that I must take a stand. When movie tickets were $9, I complained but I still went to the movies. The realization is that is what do as a society--complain with no action. So instead of joining the majority, I am officially boycotting all movie theaters in the Washington DC area. Whether I am paying or not, if we don’t patronize these venues, they can’t survive and they will be forced to charge us reasonable prices.

Is it not enough that we pay $3 for a small popcorn and $5 for a drink? At this rate, a family of four doesn’t stand a chance at the movie theater.

*stage exit left*

How far can you stretch $10?

2010-04-13T11:24:00.000-04:00

I finally got around to filing my taxes!! Woo-hoo! To my surprise, I was refuded a grand total of $10. Seriously. I am happy that I do not owe, however, I feel like slapping someone for sending me a $10 check. How does this happen? I presently owe Federal $1000 and I get a refund from State for $1010. For the remainder of 2010, I need to start a business, obtain a husband, or pop out a few kids. In the meantime, I am looking for creative ways on spending this refund check since purchasing a Mac computer is now officially out the door. So far, I have come up with:

1. A hair cut at Hair Cuttery
2. 3 gallons of gas (Premium)
3. Two Footlong subs from Subway
4. Two value meals from McDonalds
5. A movie ticket (matinee)
6. 10 Redbox movie rentals
7. A car wash
8. a new-release CD
9. wine from the grocery store
10. a pay-per-view movie in a hotel room

Figured I would stop at 10 since this seems to by my lucky number. Hey, maybe I should buy 10 scratch-off lottery tickets.

Today, I Cried...

2010-03-31T09:43:00.000-04:00

Well, if you know me well, you wouldn’t think this was blog worthy as I cry almost every day. It really doesn’t take much to make me drop a tear. I am sometimes an emotional wreck. I cry over TV shows, ALL Disney movies, and even from laughing too hard. Maybe, I should seek help over this.

However, this morning, I received a phone call from a close cousin of mine. He was calling to thank me for a card that I sent him. From my hectic life, I almost forgot that I sent him a card as it seemed like it was eons ago. I sent him a card out the blue just to simply let him know how wonderful I thought he was. I had a couple of friends that were in dead-end jobs and wanted/needed a career transition. Being the helper that I am, I immediately went into my networks and referred them to my cousin.

Without hesitation, he interviewed both friends and placed them in positions within the Federal Government that also gave them both a new career path. If you have ever been stuck in a rut, you would know how hard it is to even contemplate changing careers; yet alone find a position within the Federal Government. The fact that my cousin was in a position in his career to reach back and help those who desired to move upward was just phenomenal!

I wanted to express in words just how terrific I thought he was. There are people who sometimes get positions of power and forget that we should be helping those “less fortunate”. Or at least that is what I believe. What is the point of having power when you don’t use it for good?

My cousin expressed how heartfelt he thought the small gesture was and he said that I really made his day and probably even his week. We both started to get misty-eyed, but being the over achiever that I am, I took it a step above and… cried.

It is very true, that we never know what people are going through and sometimes it only takes a small act of kindness to make the world a better place in someone’s eyes. Sending that card didn’t even take 5 minutes of my time and the outcome was so rewarding to me. I was immediately full of warm fuzzies.

I am sure you have someone within the last week that ran across your mind for one reason or another. Send them a card. People love receiving good news in the mail. I used the service, SendOutCards to send my card to my cousin electronically. They even have a function where you can type your handwriting. You have to see it to believe it! Send out a free card or two on me www.cards2create.com

I promise you won’t regret it!

HBCU sex tapes

2010-03-04T06:18:00.000-05:00

I struggled to write about this because 1) My blog is about ME 2)Writing about something this ignorant only feeds into the fire. However, I wanted to share my thoughts on this disgrace. Since misery loves company, I will start with the link and then we can talk about it...

FAMU SEX TAPE

so...I woke up at 2AM on yesterday and could not get back to sleep. I jumped on Twitter and the trending topics at that point where #NCATsextape and #FAMUsextape. Being an Aggie, I will admit I was immediately appalled. Within time, we dropped the rank of top 10 sites and the buzz was all about FAMU. My timeline was filled with links to the sex tape as well. (I need to give you the background before I confess...) I watched the sex tape.

The Uppity Negro has repeated my exact sentiments. Its a true disgrace, however, I did calm down when I realized that this is probably a hoax as NetNoir.com (one of his readers) commented.

At some point in the video one of the girls says something like "I love Miami" and the other girl corrects her and says "We are in Tallahassee". This was enough for me to believe that this tape was just to defame HBCUs.

And until someone comes out and says that one of these girls is in their English class, I am going to continue to wear my naive hat.

My SC Most Embarrassing Moments...

2010-02-05T00:19:00.000-05:00

The instances below have made me bow my head in shame to say that I am from SC. Now that I healed from the embarrassment, I am ready to talk about these instances. In no particular order:

*****************************
SC: State attorney fired after Viagra and sex toy lunch break 'encounter' in cemetery w/stripper

*****************************
Stable owner catches man having sex with horse
*****************************
Governor Mark Sanford Admits to Extramarital Affair

******************************
Joe Wilson says outburst to Obama speech 'spontaneous'

******************************
S.C. Lt. Gov. Andre Bauer Compares Helping Poor to Feeding Stray Animals

Mr. Right

2010-02-03T12:46:00.000-05:00

I received this email last Summer. I wanted to post it to receive your comments. When I forwarded the email, I received some very interesting replies...both positive and negative. Please share your thoughts.

"Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot; who calls you back

when you hang up on him; who will lie under the stars and listen to

your heartbeat; or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for

the boy who kisses your forehead; who wants to show you off to the

world when you are in sweats; who holds your hand in front of his

friends; who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on; One who

is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is

to have YOU... The one who turns to his friends and says, "that's

her"....(author unknown/ )

Office Etiquette

2010-02-02T15:11:00.000-05:00

This is my first time working in a cubicle setting and I must say…I don’t like it. Even though I blog about my life, I still consider myself a fairly private person. When in an office cubicle setting, your business is not your own. In the spirit of Emily Post etiquette lessons, I have created a few ways in which one should conduct oneself to remain courteous and respect to co-workers. Please feel free to add on to this list.

1. Speak when entering a room. You were taught manners; please don’t shame your parents.

2. Not to contradict number one, but please don’t speak pertinent business to someone (ME) on the way to their (MY) desk. You should allow this person to get to their desk, put down their pocketbook, and turn on their computer.

3. If you send me an email, you do not have to come to my desk to ask if I received it. Please trust that the Internet/server/world wide web will do its magic and I will receive it in less than 30 seconds.

4. Do not bring fish to lunch. Period.

5. Use your inside voice when talking on the phone. Your co-workers do not care to know the personal affairs in your life.

6. Casual Friday does not justify wearing skinny sweatpants. Don’t mess it up for everyone!

7. Those who gossip to you, will gossip about you. Do not participate in office gossip or rumors.

8. Keep personal and work life separate. No matchmaking, no dating co-workers, and no hanging out with them on weekends. Trust me. This is best.

9. Don’t hover while a co-worker is on the phone or typing a personal document. Leave a note and they will get to you when they are free and available.

10. Mute your cell phone. No one wants to hear Khia “My Neck, My Back” every 15 minutes when your phone rings.

Questions That Annoy Me

2010-01-31T18:13:00.000-05:00

I try my best not to show when I am bothered, agitated, or annoyed. However, there are five questions that I thought were worthy of sharing as I strongly wish you would not ever ask me these.

1. How was work?
I am sure you are just asking me this question because you think it shows you care. However, I know you don’t. There is no way you are genuinely interested in what I did the last 8 hours of my day. And how am I so sure of this? I really don’t have a purpose in knowing what you did the last 8 hours. If something exciting and newsworthy happened, then please do share. Otherwise, spare me with the boring details.

2. Do you know how to cook?
This question only comes from a male. It always follows when he realizes that I am from South Carolina. The perception is that everyone from South Carolina knows how to cook. First, my problem is with the vagueness of this question. What are you asking me if I know how to cook? Do you want to know if I can cook grits? Fried chicken? Or collard greens? Second, I promise you those who answer, yes, probably aren’t contestants on Iron Chef America. And the majority of the people, who do cook, also are confident that they CAN cook. Now, it’s not my duty to tell people that their food isn’t as tasty as they claim. (Please don’t make me call names…lol) This question is very relative.

3. What is your story? /Tell Me About Yourself.
I hate this question when interviewers ask it, and I abhor it when asked in my personal life. Are your expecting me to tell you the good and the bad of my life within 5 minutes? Is this your way of saying that you want to get to know me but you don’t have the time and energy to let nature take its course? Considering that I blog, I would like to think that my thoughts and opinions are obvious. If there is something that I don’t cover in this blog, follow me on twitter. I am sure within no time; you will understand what makes Heather tick.

4. Are you still here?
I have once prayed for invisible powers in many situations in my life, but currently no luck. However, when someone is looking me directly in my eyes and still ask me if I am still here, I never know how to respond. Should I just stare, ignore it, or reply in a very sarcastic manner.

5. When are you getting married?
I’m sorry, but did you meet someone who told you that I was the reason on why we haven’t walked down the aisle? Further, have I introduced you to someone that I even thought was worthy to be Mr. Gibbs? Someone that I told you I could stomach for longer than 3 months? Let me save you time in thinking about it, the answer is NO! As for when I will get married, Jesus and I are still working out the details. When we come to a consensus, you will be the first to know…maybe.

While the matter of these questions is mostly light-hearted, please know there is some truth. Do you have any questions that annoy you?

No more Superstitions

2010-01-02T21:03:00.000-05:00

I grew up in the South, so every new year I stuff my face and my gut with collard greens and hoppin John. Together, I believed this meal would bring me money and good luck. Now, I want to preface by saying, that I am not complaining, but I just think that as much as I ate collard greens, I should be able to afford an iMac computer. You get my drift?

So for 2010, I decided to do things opposite as I have done in the past. I wanted to prove that I don’t believe in Superstitions and instead rely on my faith in God. Therefore, I rang in my new year, at home, alone. No friends, no family, no champagne. My house was not as clean as it should have been, I had week-old sheets on my bed, clothes not hung up, floors not mopped or vacuumed. In addition, my car was not filled with gas and my Christmas tree and decorations were still up.

It was a struggle to not do as I have been accustomed the past 29 years, but I am on a mission to prove a point. So stay with me. However, as hard as I tried not to continue my superstitious ways, there was one tradition that I just couldn’t afford to gamble with. And that is wearing red underwear to bring me love in the new year.

I have even contemplated wearing red underwear the entire month of January and February, just to ensure “I win in 2010”.

Self-Sabotage: Are you guilty?

2009-12-05T13:29:00.000-05:00

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.” ---Marianne Williamson

The older I get, the wiser I become, or so I would like to believe. I often try to give myself a self assessment in which I ponder my actions and words in a given situation. There is very little in my life that I regret and I think that is because I am usually cautious about the words, actions, and thoughts that I conceive.

However, occasionally, I think I am guilty of self-sabotage. I am sure that my family and close friends would describe me as even-keeled. There is little that upsets me. And if I do get upset, I don’t fester on it. I have learned not to hold grudges no matter how much I feel you may have deceived, hurt, or betrayed me. So, in my mind, it appears that I might come across as nonchalant or maybe insensitive.

For instance, if there is a guy that I like but he doesn’t like me to the extent that I like him, I can immediately point out all of his flaws and then I will follow that with all the reasons that he is stupid and doesn’t need to be in my life. For real! It kind of like a hidden talent. Pick a celebrity and I will give you reasons on why he doesn’t deserve you. Because to me, a guy HAS to be insane not to like me!! Now, this is where the problem lies…I think my parents have instilled so much self-confidence in me, that it’s ridiculous. I am almost 30 years old and don’t think I have ever been in love.

If a relationship ended, I was able to console myself and “get over it”. As I reflect on this, I don’t think this is a good thing. I have never been in that stage where slow songs on the radio made me cry, or where I didn’t go to school/church/work because I was so depressed over a breakup, or where I even stalked a guy. Not because I am so mature, but because I always felt like it was his lost and not mine.

Now let me clarify and explain, I have always ended my relationships *knocks on wood*, but maybe that is why I have been the one to end it. I think deep down, I might have been sabotaging my chance at happiness. I was too afraid of success. Kind of like, I didn’t want to be too happy because then I would be hurt. There are things in my life that I do take a chance on but in the end, they aren’t the things that really matter to ME.

Professionally, I have always wanted to change jobs when I felt like I mastered my current task. I do get bored often, but instead of wanting to commit to my current position and just move up the career ladder, I would rather pick a whole new career and start all over. This can’t be the norm because everyone else around me seems so content with staying in the same position/company for the rest of their career. And to me, I can’t fathom the thought! In my mind, the world is my oyster… (whatever that means, right? ) Then I start to wonder, Am I just that dynamic of an individual or was I sabotaging my success?

MindTools states, The tell-tale sign that you are sabotaging your self is when you grind to a halt when you're trying to achieve your goals, for no rational reason. The skill, ability and desire are there: It's just that something stops you moving forward.

When you feel that you can't do something you should be able to do, or that you shouldn't do something, even though you know deep down that you want or need to do it, self-sabotage is at work.

I feel like I have done the hard part: Admitting my faults. Now I need to find the correct steps to rectify what I deem as a gallimaufry in my life. Because of this, I am not giving of myself 110% in my professional or personal life like I know I can.

Have you ever thought of yourself as sabotaging your future?

Congratulations or Condolences?

2009-11-05T15:17:00.000-05:00

You are having a baby. Babies are a blessing but just because you have learned how to make a baby doesn’t mean you are qualified to bring life into this world. Sometimes, I am thrown because I don’t know if say Congratulations or Condolences. There are various circumstances that call for condolences. Because I favor list, here are the Top Ten signs that you should NOT have a baby…

1. If you don’t have a husband. Being a single parent is not easy, desired, or fun. Bring this child up the way God intended.

2. If you just asked me to borrow $200. I doubt you will be able to afford diapers. And no, I do not want to be the Godmother.

3. If you still live with your parents. I am not frowning on this, because I sure wish I could move into my parents’ home, but it’s not fair for you to bring another mouth into this world, when you are still being supported by someone else.

4. You only want a baby because everyone else your age has one. Peer pressure has never worked on me like that. And if this affects you, you still have some maturing to do.

5. You are unemployed. Babies=money. Who is paying for that formula? Better yet, who is paying the hospital bill without any insurance?

6. If you are scared to apply for a job because you won’t pass the drug test. Not responsible enough to be in charge of someone else’s life.

7. If the person you have conceived this child with has put a restraining order on you. This is no environment to raise a healthy baby in.

8. If you feel like you NEED to have one to silence the rumors or keep your parents off your back. A baby is a serious matter and should be wanted and not needed.

9. If you think the child will make him love you. You are sadly mistaken. It will keep him in your life for the next 18 years, but it might not be in the manner you expected.

10. If you are over the age of 45. Yes, we are living longer and the child-bearing age has escalated, but there are still serious risks that you and your baby could face if you choose to become pregnant.

Why don't you take me seriously?

2009-09-11T10:44:00.000-04:00

Last year, my doctor/therapist told me how she felt I didn’t handle stress well. She said that I more of a listener than a talker. In other words, I at time internalize others problems/issues and don’t vent about what is bothering me to others.

When I shared this with a few close friends, they agreed with her. I found this so hard to believe. I feel like every time I open my mouth I am complaining about something. At least it is good to know that my friends don’t view me as Negative Nelly. However, I try to always have a solution to my problem. As that is a pet peeve of mine. I don’t like when others constantly bicker, nag, and complain and never even offer a resolution on how to overcome the problem.

What upsets me is when I hear how people, more specifically my friends don’t take me serious. And why not? The most recent statements have come from my wishes/wants of getting a roommate, wanting a new job, and desiring to move South. To me, none of these things are outrageous.

Nonetheless, as I reflect, I am now realizing that the doctor and my friends could be right. Subconsciously, this could be why I don’t share or vent my problems, as often. And who do I blame? The naysayers in my life. My naysayers aren’t necessarily negative in the sense that they knock down all my dreams and wishes. But they are passive pessimistic. They simply don’t believe anything I say. So why does this bother me so much?

Because it makes me feel I am a liar. Why else would you not believe me? It makes me feel like my close friends have no faith or belief in me. It makes me feel like while my friends are there to listen to me vent, they secretly think my resolution is ridiculous! (gasp)

So now that I have become armed with this revelation, where do I go from here? I have no idea. I don’t love these people any less, just wanted to vent…

Texting Etiquette

2009-08-06T01:12:00.000-04:00

Texting has become the norm for most individuals with a cell phone. So much, so that picking up the telephone to have a conversation has become taboo. In my short life, I have witnessed so many inappropriate information shared via text messages. I searched google to see if Emily Post has ever addressed this issue. Since I couldn't find anything relating the the texting subjects, I decided to give Emily a heads up. Below are the No-No's...

1. Emergency situation (house on fire, hospitalization of anyone, stolen car)

2. Asking for financial assistance

3. Asking for favors that are time sensitive

4. Informing a guy that he is now a father

5. Ending a romantic relationship/Divorce

6. Telling a partner about your STD status (positive or negative)

7. Booty text (texting late night hours asking for a forbidden sexual act)

8. Marriage proposals

9. Sad news (chronic illness, death)

10. Confidential/private business-related matters

Can you think of anything else I might have missed?

30 things to do before you turn 30

2009-07-06T23:12:00.000-04:00

As I approach 30, I have decided to finalize my bucket list. Below are items that I feel all women should accomplish before they reach the ripe age of 30! And even though, I have achieved the a vast majority of these, I still feel all items serve a real purpose in the lives of women.

Brazilian wax
Tattoo
Nude beach
Run a marathon
Skydive
Pay off Credit Card
Buy a pair of expensive designer shoes
Visit Paris
Purchase a home
Attend a Broadway show on Broadway
Oprah show (audience or guest)
Purchase a handgun
Create a website all about me
Become a certified bartender
Fall in love
Ask a guy out
Read the bible all the way through
Stop chewing/biting nails
Learn/invest in stock market
Learn to Golf
Visit one of the 7 wonders of the world
Learn to tie a cherry stem with your tongue
Solve a Rubik cube
Take a hot air balloon ride
Learn the thriller dance
Buy a complete stranger dinner
Parasail
Learn to sew
Take a vacation by yourself
Learn to drive stick shift

Chivalry Is Dead

2009-01-28T19:44:00.000-05:00

This evening I had a male friend come over to visit. When he arrived, I was in my driveway shoveling snow with the assistance of my female neighbor. Not only did he not acknowledge me, but he proceeded to walk in my house. My neighbor and I were in my driveway for over almost two hours scraping and shoveling. At no point, did my male friend come back out the house and offer to help.

Which leads me to my question... Is chivalry really dead or is my friend just rude?

I have a few friends that tend to think the reason I am single is because I am very hard on males. However, I think that my expectations and standards are justified. How can you call yourself a Man but you can't help a lady in distress? Why is that men feel women are supposed to cook a meal for them even though they can't take out the trash?

I honestly don't mind cooking for people I care about, but men should not feel like this is how you get a man. To me, cooking should be a labor of love. And why should I pour out my love when you can't help me shovel my driveway? Now, really, this was a friend that I am complaining about but this friend should still be aware of how to treat a lady. So whose responsibility is it to teach our men how to be men? Mama or Daddy?

Either way, this single life is looking very appealing when I keep encountering trifling men....

Hypochondriac

2008-09-08T19:56:00.000-04:00

Hi! My name is Heather and I am a hypochondriac.

Or at least that is what my doctor is trying to make me. I went in for my $35 co-pay check-up and my OB-GYN could not find that cyst that I was talking about. She said that the lump that she felt was "text book perfect". I told her, that apparently I have been abnormal for the last 28 years because that lump was never there before. Of course she just looked at me as if I was crazy....

So the good news is Webmd was not correct in my diagnosis. The bad news, I have to pay another $35 co-pay next month for a my annual pap exam. **SIGH**

How was YOUR weekend?

2008-09-06T13:23:00.000-04:00

I must say, 2008 has been the worst year I have had, yet. I have been through so much life-altering events that I am beginning to wear out. I am usually very open about my problems and concerns, but I have been faced with things that only God and I know about.

I am very discouraged. I must admit. These are the times when we as Christians are put through obstacles to test our faith. And yes, I know, that God doesn’t give us more than we can handle, but all I am asking…can I please get a breather somewhere in between?

It’s always something. Lately, I found a lump in my genitals. I went to my ever faithful, WebMD to take the symptom checker test and I was informed that I might have cancer. Now, I know that everything these days gives you cancer, but I didn’t have other options. On Friday, I called my OB-GYN and requested an emergency appointment. When I told her what I found in the shower, the receptionist didn’t even give me the spiel about the next available appointment being in two weeks (ladies, I know you can relate). Instead, she instructed me to come in first thing Monday morning to get it looked at.

Great!! Now, I have my entire weekend to freak out about if I have cancer, going through a biopsy, and/or having to get this grape-sized cyst removed. SIGH

What do I do? I already feel like I am juggling so much on my plate. And it is so hard for me to tell anyone but God. I bet this was his plan, eh?

As an icing (cream cheese, please), I take my dog, Rommie to the vet for his scheduled vaccinations and they inform me that he has lyme disease. Are you serious? Now, I feel like I should be tested for lyme disease, as well. But I won’t…I am certain that I haven’t been bit by tick, but I do remember going through a phase where I was pulling ticks off Rommie after every walk. Now I feel like I have to punish him, by not taking him for a walk. Luckily, he hasn’t displayed any symptoms of a lyme disease carrier and for that matter, neither have I.

So I am prepared to answer the every faithful Monday morning question, “How was your weekend?” But if someone asks, they better be prepared for an earful. Because I am sure I will be updating this blog soon, as my weekend is not over and neither is this year.

I am so ready to end this year. Hopefully, 2009 has a great beginning ….

Just Say You Don't Know

2008-08-19T01:01:00.000-04:00

Tonight, I called Sprint because I was trying to transfer my nephew from my line to my sister's line. (That's another blog...) Once I get a customer service representative on the line and verify that I am Heather G, I immediately tell her that my phone's battery is low so I want to give her all he information she needs from me before she calls my sister and completes the request.

The operator, let's call her Sally, proceeds to tell me that my sister and I would have to both go into a Sprint store to show our ID and that we cannot do this over the telephone. I told her that I was already informed this process could be done over the phone. Moments later, after what seemed like an eternity in cell-phone-dying-time, she mentioned that her supervisor said this could be done. Whew! We are now back in business.

I try to get us back on schedule and tell her that I was going to give her my sister's telephone number so that she could call my sister on three way to complete the transaction. Sally tells me that Sprint could not make a three way phone call. Huh??

(Pause break: I want you to absorb this last statement)

I became speechless. Is she serious? My cell phone company was not able to make a three way phone call in 2008? I think I died internally. I completely lost the little bit of patience I was holding on to.

I went off on Sally in the nicest way possible. "Ma'am, you are really beginning to upset me. You keep telling me things that Sprint cannot do but I KNOW this is possible. I have called in the past to verify this process and you are taking me 10 steps backwards. Apparently you are new to this position and I respect that, however, you piss me off when you say that Sprint cannot do this. Please, just say that YOU don't know how to do it. I could have hung up the phone and tried to get a more efficient operator since my phone battery was dying."

Sally: "Can you plug your phone into a car charger so that we may continue this conversation? I am new at this position and I never had to make a three way phone call or transfer a phone line. I do apologize."

Me: "Ma'am, if I had a car charger in my possession, this conversation would be non existent. I just want you to know that when Sprint calls me back for a survey about this conversation, they will be getting an ear full. You could have made my life so much easier just by saying "I don't know" instead of implying that it definitely cannot be done. Please take this as constructive criticism. Have a nice night."

Phone dies.

Wine Me Up

2008-08-06T14:52:00.000-04:00

Last October, I started a new hustle as an Independent Wine Consultant with The Traveling Vineyard.

I found this opportunity to be unique and rewarding as I bring 5 bottles of wine (from all over the world) to a host's home. Each host is asked to invite 10-15 people for the wine tasting. As a consultant, I educate the guest on how to taste wine. (Sight, Swirl, Smell, Sip, Savor, Spit/Swallow). I do not consider myself a wine connoisseur in the least, however, I am a wine enthusiast! I enjoy tasting new wines. It is even more rewarding teaching others about food pairings and "legs".

Our top rated wines are from vineyards throughout the world, and by hosting your own party you can enjoy traveling to these vineyards from the comforts of your home! I bring vineyards into your home from the premier wine producing regions including Napa Valley, Bordeaux, and Tuscany. At the Traveling Vineyard, we believe wine should be purchased by taste not by label and reputation. We offer only the best price/value to our customers and guests. The Traveling Vineyard home wine tasting party is becoming the most popular home party available.

Walking away from one of my shows is guaranteed to be enlightening for everyone from the novice to the expert. Have I sparked an interest in you? Would you like to host a wine tasting in your home?? Ask five of your wine loving friends if they will have a wine tasting party. You will love this opportunity, and so will they!

The Traveling Vineyard

My 10 Year Class Reunion

2008-07-26T19:51:00.000-04:00

I can hardly believe it!! It is time for my 10 year class reunion. Reuniting with my old classmates was such a blast! Our class president, Brooke, did an outstanding job of organizing the event. I tried to do as much as I could being 300 miles away but at times I still didn't feel very productive. Nonetheless, we had a decent

number of participants. Initially, I was worried about my "single" status. I felt as if I would be questioned to no end about the fact that I wasn't married and didn't have any kids. It just seemed as if I was way behind the curve. As time went on, I cared less about myself and more about reconnecting with those I hadn't seen or heard from since 1998.

To my surprise, a vast majority of my classmates that were married didn't bring their significant other. They wanted to have a good time and not have to worry about entertaining. As a single woman, I definitely understand that logic. I always have to weigh whether to bring a date to a wedding or a house party, because I like to be in the "mix" of things and don't want to have to stress over my date having a great time with my friends.

Overall, I had a GREAT time!! To see more pictures, visit our class website Berkeley High School Class of 1998

Michelle Villeponteux Driggers and myself
above: Chris Dixon and I

Skydiving!!

2008-07-12T13:50:00.000-04:00

Believe it or not...I did it! I jumped out of a perfectly good airplane. Why?? Because I needed to have some excitement for my 28th birthday! In addition, it was an item on my bucket list. I have no idea how I am going to top this for my 30th, but plans are in motion.

I have no regrets on this jump. As you can see from the video, I appeared to be carefree. It was scary initially, when I had to sign all these documents stating that if I die, my family could not sue the company, Skydive Orange...even if the death was their fault. Nonetheless, I still found myself initialing and signing my life away as if I was purchasing a home.

Skydiving is fun, but it is considered an extreme sport. That said, I still think it is an experience and adventure that YOU should give a try!

The 5-year plan...Making God Laugh

2008-05-15T10:10:00.000-04:00

I serve an awesome God...and my, does he have a sense of humor. As I self reflect, I really think my life is a joke to God. Let me explain...

I have always had a plan. I could spit out my five year plan to anyone at anytime. Now, don't get me wrong-My five year plan changes often and quite often, but there is always a plan and method of execution. Lately, I have been so discombobulated about my life. I don't know if I am coming or going. I am no longer happy. I am satisfied but not fulfilled. Understand? This concerns all aspects of my life (career, men, friends, location). I question basically everything except my faith in God. However, I am at a point where I do not have a plan. This is driving me, and my close friends, insane.

My friends get frustrated at me when I am venting because I seem flaky with my goals in life. They are correct. I am flaky. I am unsure. I am impatient. I am not questioning God, but I do wonder what I am supposed to be taking away from this experience that I have never been faced with.

Today, it hit me. I heard a quote that explained it all so clearly to me "If you want to make God laugh, make plans." That's it! At some point, I was thinking or acting as if I had control over my life. I had plans and a timeline that I always stuck with.

I believe God is trying to remind me to put all my faith and trust in him. My timeline is dependent upon HIM. And even though His plans may not come when I want them, He is ALWAYS on time!

20 Questions in 30 Days

2008-04-28T20:24:00.000-04:00

Yes, I ask lots of questions. If you know me, you know this. So when you are telling me about a new relationship that you are in, please be prepared to know the following answers about your significant other. I believe within the first month of your relationship, these are the questions that matter the most! Feel free to post other questions that I may have overlooked...

In no particular order-
1. What are your parent's name?
2. Do you have any siblings? Are you the oldest/youngest?
3. What are you looking for in this relationship?
4. Where are you from?
5. Do you want any kids in the future? Do you currently have any kids that you know about? How many?
6. Have you ever been married? Divorced? Engaged?
7. Did you attend college? What was your major? Member of a fraternity?
8. Where do you work?
9. Do you attend church? Where? How often?
10. Are you currently dating anyone else?
11. Is there someone out there who thinks you are their boyfriend?
12. How long has your longest relationship been?
13. When was the last time you cried?
14. What are your pet peeves?
15. Do you exercise?
16. Are your parents still married? How long?
17. Do you like to drive? Do you enjoy road trips?
18. When was the last time you have been tested for HIV/AIDS?
19. Have you ever cheated? Have you ever been cheated on?
20. What are your goals? (Spiritually, Physically, Career, etc.)

Lastly, In the case of Tiffany T...maybe you should also ask their last name. LOL

Please print this list and have it near the telephone to be accessible in your next telephone conversation with you new beau.

Why Am I Single?

2008-03-26T17:57:00.000-04:00

Since we all seem to be on this poetic justic tip, I decided to let my lyricist lounge flow as I discuss how I feel on the topic I hear quite often..."Why are you single?"
This is for all my homies. I know you can relate.

Why Am I Single?
Because your breath stinks
Because you are always wearing pink
Because you have 5 kids
Because I don’t want offsprings that are hybrids
Because you are too short
Because in public you fart
Because you live life as a heathen
(It’s not called borrowing—it’s stealing)
Why Am I Single?
Because you don’t open my doors
Because you can't bust a move on the dance floor
Because you are a mama’s boy
(And seeing your mama deflates my joy)
Because your are a horny toad
And you never can remember to flush the commode
Because you are lame
And can never seem to remember my name
Why Am I Single?
Because you are always screaming broke
And that thing you ride around in is a pure joke
Because you never graduated high school
Because sagging your jeans is no longer cool
Because your idea of a vacation is taking me to the Poconos
Because you have six toes
Because you are afraid of my 3lb dog
Because you are as dumb as door knob.
And you ask… Why Am I Single?

Myspace Sucks!!

2008-03-19T17:59:00.000-04:00

[This post was originally posted on Myspace.]

Sorry, Tom. I hope you don’t delete my post but I am taking my first amendment right to blog about how much I hate your website.

First, Myspace is totally overrated. This networking thing has gotten out of hand when relationships are compromised because of actions taken on Myspace. I have a friend who is constantly in disagreements with her boyfriend because of comments that other females are posting on his page. Now, this could bring up other concerns such as one’s insecurity or lack of trust, but I just think that this wouldn’t have been a factor if Myspace didn’t exist.

Second, why are people so serious about this Top Friends thing? Are you serious? I have to prove how much you mean to me by listing you in my Top Friends section. Again, Tom, this is a way to isolate and form barriers within one’s circle of friends. If you are popular and you have more than 36 close friends, you are screwed and are bound to hear the question, "Why am I not in your top friends?"

Third, at what age is too old to be on Myspace? Personally, I think once you are 30 years old, you need to enroll in a 12-step program and remove yourself from this nonsense, that we are addicted to. I once thought Myspace was more attractive to the high school/teenage audience and hence I was very hesitant to join. It’s so interesting to me, however, that studies have shown that the average age of Myspace users are 35-49 years old. Stop playing! In this day in age, that means that someone’s Grandparent is on Myspace! (SCREAM!!) So now my grandmother is going to shrug me off if I don’t include her in my Top Friends?
Myspace can be blamed for a lot of the confusion this world is facing. I just don’t find it a coincidence that Myspace and the war in Iraq both were conceived at the same time. Get my drift!! Myspace is the cause of the war in Iraq.
I rest my case.

P.S. Don’t ask why I am still logging in everyday. I haven’t turned 30 yet. LOL

Quit Worrying and Start Trusting

2008-03-13T18:01:00.000-04:00

"After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you" 1 Peter 5:10

Thank you to all who have noticed my status change and asked why am I stressed.

In short, I am stressed because I lapsed and forgot that faith and worry can’t abide in the same place. I became hesitant to cast all my worries upon God and start trusting him to handle "it".

My crisis began when I realized that everything I thought I knew and was sure of was now debatable. I took pride in reveling on the fact that I could give you my five year plan and the steps I was taking to achieve it with regards to all aspects of my life. However, today, I stand with no plan of action. The only thing I am sure of at this point, I WILL stop worrying and start trusting in Him.

I can already see the eyes rolling from a few of you who swear that I am overreacting. But dang it, it’s my party and I’ll cry and whine if I want to! I want my carefree days back when the most important decision I had to make was which party I was attending on the weekend. The good ol’ days!! Whereas today I face RESPONSIBILITIES!!!

"To whom much is given, much is required"….I know. I know. I know. But I did not sign up for all of this! Nonetheless, I have had to console and humble myself before God. My faith has taught me that when the time comes, God will restore and settle us. And of course, when I am faced with so many life altering decisions (as I feel now) I feel unsettled.

I promise, that now that I have vented I will digress about my problems and start focusing on the big picture. I vow to quit worrying and start trusting in Him.

Source:
1 Peter 5:6-11 (Thanks, Latoya)
Galatians 6:9 (Thanks, Avery)
Luke 12:48